The new guy
by Montage1313
Summary: what does a new recruit find out about hellsing? thats its full of physcos and idiots/OC warning SxP in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

_**I just randomly thought up this story last night before I went to bed and quickly wrote down the idea**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own hellsing, but I do own my OC Damien**_

**The new guy**

Integra sat at her desk reading the resumes of at least 40 different people but that was nothing compared to the other 100 that she had already read and discarded into her trash can by her desk

"no" she said and threw out another resume, and did the same until there were only two more left

She finally came across one that she liked, and didn't even give it a second thought

"Walter!"

"Yes, Sir Integra?"

"Get me this recruit at once" she said as she handed the elderly butler the last sheet of paper, Walter casually glanced it over as he was leaving

"hmm, he seems promising" Walter said to nobody in particular

Walter walked into the huge lobby of the hellsing manor and glanced over all of the people who were all talking amongst each other

"Would a Mister Damien de Monteforde please come with me? The rest of you can return to your homes"

Walter watched as everybody except for one young man left grumbling about something to do with coming all the way here and only one person being chosen for the job

The young man who was apparently Damien walked over to Walter and shook his hand

"it's a pleasure to meet you sir" he said as Walter showed him the way to Sir Integras office

"here you are, when talking to Sir Integra, be sure to watch your manners, she has a very fiery temper and will not think twice about throwing anything within reaching distance at you" Walter cautioned the young man

Damiens eyes widened and his eyes shifted to the big door, he took a deep breath and knocked

"come in" somebody called from the other side

He turned the door handle and pushed the heavy door open, when he got inside he took a quick glance at the office, it was huge, there had to be over ten thousand books in the shelves lining the walls, he noticed a huge portrait of an elderly man that he assumed to be Sir Integras father.

"Take a seat" she said and gestured to one of the big chairs in front of her desk and quickly removed a cigar from a golden case and lit it

Damien quickly sat down and looked at Sir Integra, she just stared right back at him, the silence made him anxious.

"So, Damien, your resume says that your skilled with hand-to hand, and long ranged combat, and stealth and infiltration?" she asked him while looked over his resume

"Yes sir, I spent some time in the Black Ops"

"Hmm, that's interesting, it also says that your hard to anger, but you have a dangerous temper, how dangerous is it?" she asked while looked over her glasses at him

"Well, it takes a lot to anger me, but my temper can be quite dangerous, when im mad, I tend to not think things through and it usually results in an explosion or two" he said sheepishly hoping that his stupid temper wouldn't cost him the job

"Also, judging by your first and last name, your of French descent?" she asked

"Yes sir, I only recently moved to England"

"you speak perfect English for somebody who just moved to England"

"thank you sir, I still have a bit of a French accent but I can adapt quite quickly to a new environment"

"well, everything seems to be in order, welcome to hellsing, if you need and help just talk to Walter" she told him and shook his hand

Damien stood up and walked towards the doors

"oh, um, Damien, one more thing, do you believe in vampires?? she asked him while grinning

"Like, the horror movie vampires? The 'im going to drink your blood muwahahaha' type vampires?" he asked while putting no a Transylvanian accent for the "im going to drink your blood speech"

"exactly"

"no, not really" he shrugged

"well, I think its best to avoid alucard at all costs then, stay far away from the basement and stay near pip and his mercenaries" he told him

"whos pip?"

"Captain Pip Bernadette" she told him and called for walter

almost instantly walter appeared in the door making Damien jump a little bit

"what is it sir integra?"

"take Damien to meet Pip and the geese"

"yes sir" he bowed slightly and told Damien to follow him

when Walter and Damien reached the firing range they heard the sound of something being hit with a bat and an explosion soon after with lots of cheering

Walters expression changed from neutral to embarrassed

"It seems the Geese are playing baseball" he said as they walked around the corner

"since when do baseballs explode?" Damien asked walter with a confused look on his face

"since you use grenades as the ball" he told Damien

when they turned the corner a man with a long braid of brown hair, an eye patch, and a cowboy hat was up at bat, a young looking girl was pitching

the man tapped the bat on the ground a few times, and took his stance, the young woman grinned, wound up, and hurled the ball at the man, the man say it coming straight for his face, and ducked just in time, the grenade flew straight towards the manor

the grenade hit the manor with a loud "thunk" and then followed with an extremely loud "BOOM" as part of the wall caved in, everything was silent for a few minutes, then they heard sir integra yell

"PIP! SERAS! WHERE ARE YOU TWO TROUBLE MAKERS, ILL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SEE DAYLIGHT AGAIN!"

the said duo looked at each other, then at the wall, then each other again, then they took of in different directs

"it seems that your meeting with Captain Bernadette will have to wait, he seems to be running for his life at the moment" Walter said as he grinned

"who was that young girl who threw that thing? She had quite the arm on her" Damien said and looked in the direction that she had run

"oh, that was Seras Victoria, one of our resident vampires" walter told him as if it was nothing at all to have a vampire in the house

Damien just sat there wide eyed for a few minutes and then finally decided to speak "vampire?" he ask walter

"oh, yes, we have two vampires on our property, Master Alucard, and Miss Victoria"

"Sir Integra told me to avoid this 'alucard' at all costs for the first few weeks" he told walter

"that would seem to be the best approach to dealing with alucard, he likes to cause problems"

"Hmm, that's not very nice Walter" said a shadowed figure walking through the wall

"not very nice at all" said the figure as he grinned and his eyes glowed red

_**well? What did you think of the first chapter? Please review!**_

**~montage~**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Heres chapter 2!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own hellsing, but I do own Damien**_

**Chapter 2**

Damien jumped, not because of the unexpected voice, but the unexpected person walking through a wall, he moved closer to Walter as the figure fully emerged

"you make me seem like some sort of monster" the figure grinned and showed of his fangs, he was wearing orange tinted sunglasses, an old fashioned blood red fedora, and a matching trench-coat, with a black Victorian suit underneath it

Walter sighed "Damien, this is Alucard, the other vampire in our organization"

Damiens eyes were still wide at seeing somebody walk through a solid wall so all he could do was make a pathetic whimper

Alucard laughed "this new recruit should be fun" and disappeared

"Don't mind him Damien, he likes to scare the new guys" Walter told him and lead him back to the manor, walking by the big smouldering hole in the wall Damien thought he heard Walter mutter something like "that'll take hours to fix" but didn't pay attention to him

"anyways, we should go report to Sir Integra that you've met Alucard, Seras, and Pip, and tell her the extent of the damages done to the wall" Walter shuddered knowing full well that she would kill the messenger and probably make Damien and himself go find the two fools responsible.

"I've been here under 30 minutes, and I've already had the crap scared out of me, and saw something explode" Damien said to himself "this job will most likely drive me insane by the end of the week"

Walter chuckled

**In Integras office…**

"So let me get this straight" Integra said rubbing her temples in frustration "Pip wouldn't stop looking at your chest, so you came up with the brilliant idea to throw a grenade at him?"

"Grenades, as in plural, as in more than one" Pip glared at Seras

"Well, I missed you" Seras said glaring back

"Only because I happened to find a bat just in time to smack the first one away, and then I ducked the second one!" he yelled at her

"well your still here aren't you? That means I missed" Seras stated matter of factly

looking back and forth between Pip and Seras, Integra tried to hold back a smile, this was actually entertaining, in a weird sort of way

Walter and Damien walked in just in time to see pip fly out of the room and Seras glaring at him with her fist still extended, it seemed that pip and Seras didn't make it very far before they were caught by Integra and forced to come back to her office

"I thought you would have learned not to stare at my chest from the last time" Seras yelled at him

Unfortunately, Pip didn't hear a word of her rant because he was unconscious, he hit the wall, and was perfectly fine, but then a giant portrait of one of Integras ancestors fell on his head and knocked him out

Integra couldn't hold back anymore and burst out laughing, it was really ironic that one of her ancestors with the biggest chest had fallen and knocked him out, slowly everybody else got the irony and burst out laughing too

When every body started to calm down Integra spoke "Walter, take Pip to the infirmary and get the medic to check and make sure no more brain damage has been done, Seras, since Walter has to bring Pip to see the medic, you'll show Damien around, protect him from Alucard" Integra told her and made a gesture to the door

**15 minutes later…**

Seras was showing Damien around the mansion, telling him where everything was, how to remember how to get to places so that he wouldn't get lost, they were so caught up with the tour that they didn't notice a pair of gloved hands come through the bottom of the floor and grab Damiens ankles and pull down

So, there was Damien, stuck in between the 3rd and 2nd floor, and a laughing alucard rolling around on the ground and pointing at Damien, it must have been quite a sight because the maid on the 2nd floor looked up hearing laughter coming from the 3rd floor and fainted

Damien on the other hand wasn't so amused, he crossed his arms over the 3rd floor part of himself and glared at the vampire while Seras tried her hardest not to laugh

"Okay, master, you should let him out of the floor" Seras said almost loosing it when she had to say "out of the floor"

"as you wish police girl" Alucard grinned, Seras knew that this would end badly

Alucard stood up, walked over to Damien, extended one hand, and turned him transparent

all that was heard through-out the mansion was Damiens scream and a loud crash from the second floor

**Once again in Integras office…**

Alucard, Pip, Seras, Walter, and Damien stood in Integras office, Walter was giving Integra her afternoon tea, and Pip was there to report on the wall that he and Seras destroyed, Alucard, was getting punished for potentially harming the new recruit, Seras and Damien were just there

As Seras retold the story of what happened, they could hear Alucard and Pip snickering, Walter had a hand over his mouth to muffled the laughter, and after hearing somebody else say it, even Damien was laughing a bit, it really was a good prank, even if it did hurt his ass when he fell on the giant cactus

"hey, French pig, remember what I did to you when you first started here?" alucard asked pip

when Pip first started working for hellsing, alucard waited until pip was sleeping, and then glued him to the ceiling above the giant cactus

"Walter, remind me to get rid of that cactus, alucard has way to much fun with it" Integra whispered to Walter

Walter just grinned

Pip grimaced remembering how many prickles he spend removing from a certain area on himself and covered the area out of a ghost pain

"Alucard, why do you have to make peoples lives here so hard" Walter asked him

"Walter, after being dead for 500 years, you find new ways to have fun" Alucard grinned

Integra made Alucard take over Walters duties as punishment, and he had to leave Damien alone for at least a month

**Later that night…**

Finally it was time for sleep, Damiens first day had been hell, he walked over to his new bed, and didn't even bother undressing, he fell on top of his bed and went to sleep, just at the moment his head hit the pillow, Alucard rushed in screaming "don't lie down" but it was to late, the bed fell through the floor, and down into the basement, where for some reason there was a pool

Damien looked up at the two story drop and saw alucard looked down grinning

"I warned you" Alucard yelled down

"ya, a second too late!" Damien called back up and gave him the finger

Alucard just laughed and went back to Walters work, Damien walked back up to his room, took a sleeping bag out of his closet, and slept on the floor for the night cursing that damned vampire until he slipped into the sleep world

_**Well, that's chapter 2 for ya, I hope you liked it, please review and tell me what you think, ill only post the next update if I get over 5 reviews in total**_

_**~montage~**_


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